Saturday, September 18th, 2021


Partner Still Active on Online Dating Service


(Online Dating Newsletter – You Make the Call) You’ve been actively dating someone you met online for several weeks. You go to the online dating service you met at to remove your profile and see that they are still active (“last login: today”) on the service. What do you do?

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12 Responses to “Partner Still Active on Online Dating Service”
  1. Merry O'Callahan says:

    I would take the opportunity the next time you spoke with the person to simply ask why they are still active on the site. Explain that you felt that the connection was something special – that you were hoping to continue to explore and grow – on an exclusive basis. If they are not on the same page as you are, it is good to clarify that and adjust your expectations accordingly. I would NOT take it personally, until they tell you why. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

    He may not feel sure of YOUR feelings, or where you are in this yet either.

    Rather than be a negative thing, it may reflect his insecurity at this point. And do NOT ask him about it in a negative manner. A simple comment about noticing he was still on it, and asking him what that means should be good. Remember, jealousy is absolutely pointless and destroys a lot of otherwise good relationships. If he is yours, you don’t need to worry, and if he is not, it will only make things worse.

    Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. It saves misunderstandings and jumping to conclusions. Plus, guys understand it. Honest and direct. To the point. They speak that language well.

  2. Debbie says:

    As always..honesty is the best policy. Next time you were together, mention you were on the dating site. Ask him how he feels about both of you taking your profiles off for a while, to give your relationship an honest try. That way you are letting him know you would like the relationship to be exclusive, without, asking the question all men hate…where is this relationship going?

  3. Rinda Mooney says:

    If I found out the person I had been dating was still actively on the same dating web-site or any other one, I would do both of the following: 1. Ask them directly when they were online last and why? 2. Hit on them through my secondary profile which they don’t know about. It doesn’t have my picture on it.

  4. De says:

    Wow…can I relate to that? Well, this is what I did.

    Earlier this evening, I was at my boyfriends and he recieved a message from POF. I mentioned that maybe it was his matches as I was still getting mine. We had talked about taking our profiles off the site but wanted to put on a ‘success story’ first. We both changed our profiles to reflect the fact that we were spoken for and had met someone special.

    Anyway, he opened the email and it was from a woman. So, I mentioned that I would be really interested in reading her email. So, after finally figuring out the correct sign on name and password I got to read the email. I actually got to read about the seven or so emails that they had exchanged. They were on the verge of exchanging msn address’s and maybe phone numbers as there was mention of ‘talking’. He did delete his account. I’m sure when he makes a new one he’ll remember who she is as he said her name quite a few times wondering who the heck she was….uh huh.

    What did I do….well, considering it was he who initially brought up the subject of focusing on each other, I took his actions to mean he was still shopping around and seeing if there was something ‘better’ out there. Our original agreement was that neither of us needed to actively search for friends of the opposite sex and to focus exclusively on getting to know each other.

    He broke his commitment to me…I let him go. The trust is broken. End of story.

  5. Barbara says:

    I would react differently under different types of situations. If it were someone I had only dated a few times, and had not been very intimate with, I’d just brush it off. If our relationship led to intimacy then I would bring it up and casually by saying that I had no need for an online dating service any longer, and see how he felt about deleting his profile as well. If he did not wish to delete his profile, I would not grant any intimacy. I met my husband of 6 years through Yahoo personals. It’s a match made in HEAVEN, he gave up his profiles for me instantly and this only caused me to love him even more!

  6. Noel says:

    I like to keep things simple and direct so I’d just ask them about it. There’s really nothing I can do if she’s still interested in playing the field…

    Since the relationship has just been going on a few weeks, I’d just assume she’s not that seriously into it yet. I’ll give her the space but I’d be wary about getting too deep into what we have together in the meantime.

  7. Krish says:

    Instead of assuming things by myself, I would directly ask her and find out what is running on her mind. I would take an ideal decision based on her response.

  8. Kim says:

    I would log into my account and make a little joke to their inbox inquiring as to why they are still on the dating site. Then they can wonder what I was doing on it.

  9. Lori says:

    After several weeks they may have forgotten to take down the profile, but with the login information it is looking pretty suspicious.

    Unfortunately, there is nothing you can really do unless the person has asked you to see only them, and that agreement was made together. So, in most cases, I would wait it out. Although this can be infuriating and patronizing, it’s best not to come off as crazy!

  10. Tenkeys says:

    I would ask him directly if he is still looking around. I would let him know that I was about to close my profile then I realized that he is still active. I would give him the benefit of doubt but I would expect an honest answer from him.

  11. Right says:

    Now, that would surely be a shocking surprise for me. When I get serious in a relationship, I expect the other person to be involved equally as well.

    But I guess, I would give the person a benefit of doubt and would politely ask her for the reason of still visiting the dating service. The way the answer is delivered would be a clear indication for me as to how this incident needs to be treated.

  12. christine says:

    My shocking surprise is that i have been dating a guy for the last 9 months, (i was falling in love) i was introduced to him by one of his friends who was on a dating site. The last couple of weeks i have been a bit suss on him, he seems to receive a lot of txt messages, i went back into the dating site we met on 9 months ago and his profile came up with photo, still active and says he is single blah blah. I am at a bit of a loss what to do, he is very attentive to me and very generous although the like word never comes up. Any advice – not sure how to discuss this with him.

  13. Patti says:

    I have been seeing someone for over 6 months. Met him on Yahoo personals. He has hiden his profile and I doubt he is a subscriber anymore but his profile is still there and he signs on. We just had this conversation last night when I asked him about it. He has been really hurt by an ex wife that left him for someone else and he is making sure that no one does that to him again. Before me he was with a gal for 4 years and still had his profile up (not subscribing or talking to anyone) but he wouldnt take it down for her and when things start to look bad, then he still has his profile. My sister and girlfriend tell me not to make it a huge deal at this point and he said he doesnt want to be with anyone else but that eventually all relationships end and he will NOT remove his profile.

    I am trying not to let it worry me as I am a confident woman and feel that I am the best thing that ever happened to him. I think he uses that as a comfort just in case something happens he isnt alone immediatly after. Men I know WANT relationships and he has told me he loves me and that I am his girl… but… not sure what to think about all this.

  14. tee says:

    I had this happen. He claimed he forgot his password to delete his profile. He is a geek, so I know there is no way he cant figure out how to delete it and get his password. So I let it go. Two weeks ago, he magically needs his space….we all know what that means….so i created a false profile and hit on him. We were texting each other while he was online answering me (and my false profile)…i had to pretend i didnt know what he was doing. So I asked if he was still watching his football game, he replied oh yea and asked if i was….i replied “sort of” and turned my phone off. We will see what tomorrow brings. I say lose his sorry hind end. He lied,lied, lied.

  15. tee says:

    Okay, update to my previous post. The fake profile, well I had to be patient. He did respond to my invitation for coffee. He admitted he wasnt really in the area and didnt know if/when he would be. He was polite and said no thank you and did not attempt to gain any further info from this fake profile. So I replied thank you and to let me know when he is in the area. He never replied. A few weeks later after sending him a note asking if he was coming to the area any time soon, he read but didnt reply. Next day I called him a snob. He replied something smartass like. So, since I knew he had done this to me, I wrote him right back. I told him I gave up on him, and that it was okay because he looks like the type who probably lives at home with mom and takes pictures of her house, shows them to the women claiming her house is his. He immediately deleted his profile! lol I laughed til I cried. He knew someone, somewhere caught him up in one of his lies. Im still in daily contact with Mr.. I.Need Space, and will never let him know it was me.

  16. Merry O'Callahan says:

    I am a big fan of internet dating, but learned early on to sort out the phonies from the real ones.
    I have to say POF is a fun site, and I met a lot of friends there.
    For me, was the real winner. I tried all the sites – including EHarmony – and found to be the best. I met my husband Shawn there on June 1, 2006. We were together from the moment we connected. We had 21 months, and were married 7 1/2 of them. He died of complications of bypass surgery – ag age 54. I was done, and had no plans to ever remarry. God had a different plan though, and a little over a year after he died, a voice in my head one morning just would not let up until I got back on again. I figured maybe I was supposed to meet friends or something. Shawn had been my greatest love, and I could not imagine marrying again.
    There was a guy that came up a 95% match for me (as I did on his end too – I learned later). We both kept looking at each other’s profile and pictures and thinking “NOT my type”. A couple of weeks later, he emailed me, and suggested we should at least talk, and maybe find a friend with a lot in common – if we were a 95% match. So, April 27, 2009 we met for dinner. To our complete surprise, we discovered there really WAS a lot more than we imagined. We married Aug. 1, 2009, and are very happily married. It has been an amazing thing, that continues to surprise us at times!
    I am a 62 yr old, overweight, intelligent, articulate, fun, happy, and kinda crazy lady. If I can find two absolutely amazing and wonderful loves on – in 3 yrs – then anyone can.
    Don’t give up because you think you are too old, too anything. For someone, you are exactly right!

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