Tuesday, October 17th, 2017


    

You Didn’t Know Date Has Kids

11

(Online Dating Newsletter – You Make the Call) You go out on a second date with someone you met online. The first date was great and the second date is confirming the chemistry you felt on the first date. However, midway through the second date you learn that the person you are with has two kids. It’s something that he/she said nothing about in his/her profile or on the first date. What do you do?

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Comments

11 Responses to “You Didn’t Know Date Has Kids”
  1. Kathryn Lord says:

    Not revealing that someone has children is a pretty blatant omission. Did they forget their parenthood, perhaps? More likely, they did not mention the kids in order to be more marketable. It’s possible to lie without saying anything — this is a lie by omission. The receiver of this information probably will feel tricked: they thought their date was childless and now it appears they are not. If your date will withhold such a big piece of information, what else could they be holding back? I’d first ask, “Why didn’t you tell me this beforehand?” and then listen very carefully to the answer. If the presence of children is a deal breaker for you, then you will know what to do. On the other hand, if you are neutral on the issue, then you will want to evaluate the whole of the situation, bearing in mind that this person withholds what you might need to know. Then again, children might be seen as a wonderful addition to the mix. But there is still the question of the withholding…

  2. Asti says:

    for people that are above 30 years old … I think it won’t be such a problem and the date may end as good as the first one. But for me … I’m 20 years old … you can be sure there won’t be such thing like next date :)
    And it’s not really bad when someone didn’t mentioned in his profile that he has kids. In the profile there is info about how he looks. It’s normal not to be said in the profile that there are kids … it’s like to say in you profile “I live with my mom” or “I drive porche and earn 1000000$ monthly”
    That is information that you are going to know when you go on a date and get to know each other ;)

  3. Richard says:

    … I ask her/him what the children’s names are and continue on with the date, especially if the chemistry is strong. I do not jump to the immediate conclusion that the date is being deceptive; ask them they may have a reasonable explanation. The essence of dating is finding the real person behind the dating facade. Good, bad, or sometimes with children.

  4. presli says:

    What if the girl I’m dating has kids? Well i doubt that we could have a future together, i can’t really date with someone who had kids, especially two! Also it will be very bad if she hid that fact until the second date and i would totally feel uncomfortable. I’m still too young to think about children and i don’t think that i could love someone else’s kids same as they were mine – some people can do it, but i can’t.

  5. krm25 says:

    What should I do? Nothing. It isn’t a problem if my date has kids because I will go out with their mom, not with the kids. Also I’ll ask my date to introduce me to her kids. Bottom line, it is different in every case and it depends on the personality of everyone.

  6. Rhonda says:

    Wow. Good question. I’m not sure how I would handle it because I think it would depend on the person and whether they were the custodial parent or not.

    I would definitely see their not stating they had kids on their profile as being a tad dishonest. Not mentioning it on the first date would make me question why they felt the need to hide it. Then again my dating profile is clear that while I do not wish to have children I am not opposed to children in general. If my profile clearly stated I did not want children then the omission would be a deal breaker for me.

  7. Meniac says:

    So, she did not specify her “own” family status. I would take my time finding out why and if she has a good reason, I would say she still has my attention.

  8. Ken says:

    I would say its her decision whether to reveal her family status or not – in a dating profile. As a matter of fact nowadays single moms are advised not to reveal their kids info in an Online dating profile (due to security reasons).

    I would put it straight to her. I would say that my expectations are different but we could continue our relationship as friends.

  9. mayor says:

    I think in any relationship that up to pass test of the time trust must be the fundation. Genuine love holds nothing back. As a result, I dont think the relationship may last unless am convince beyond reasonable doubts why she is holding to this fact.

  10. pm says:

    Hi,

    Wow, I can relate to this one. Placing myself in this person’s position I would be asking questions and really listening. You know yourself best and know what is acceptable and negotiable. This is a hard one, since I basically base my trust on whether someone tells the truth or lies — once we catch someone in a lie it takes much longer to build up that trust again and sometimes the relationship suffers. Have to build that foundation first and in two dates we’re still getting to know one another.

    What were the intentions?

    Well, I would have never (never say never or always…) have thought I would have a child and be looking for someone to date along with a long lasting relationship which could possibly lead to marriage… my first instinct would be to lie, to protect and keep my child safe.

    In my life BEFORE baby I was busy and now I’m even busier, who has time to date? (LOL)

  11. wilkinson says:

    Whats wrong with kids? Kids are awesome. You could turn out to be a valued member of the family and they could call you Uncle “your name”. At least give the scenario a shot as if you are ever going to have kids in the future it will be good practice… a learning experience

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