RELATIONSHIP
TIP OF THE WEEK #009
BE ASSERTIVE, NOT AGGRESSIVE
When trying to communicate an
important but controversial issue in a relationship, it is important to remember
that being assertive is much more affective than
being aggressive. When you are assertive you are able to ask for what you want
without attacking the other person by being overly aggressive. In the book "Emotional
Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap" author
Bryn C. Collins explains the benefits of assertiveness and the drawbacks of aggressive
confrontation:
"When you
are assertive rather than aggressive, you create a safe
environment for your partner. This is very
important because, as you recall, one of the core issues
for many emotionally unavailable persons is safety. If
you are being clear, assertive, and in control of your
own emotions, your partner can feel safe enough to be more
vulnerable and hear what you have to say.
Remember, when
you are confronting someone, your objective is still
to find a solution to a problem, not to attack
the other person and force your views on him or her." (SOURCE: Emotional
Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding
Its Trap, by Bryn C. Collins, M.A., L.P. - in bookstores
everywhere)
