Wednesday, October 20th, 2021


Online Dating Tip for Men – Pay for the Date


(Online Dating Newsletter) Men, when you are getting ready to ask a woman out on a date, it’s a good idea to settle the “who will pay” issue in advance. This will alleviate some of the stress on a first date of both parties wondering what to do when the bill arrives (if you go out to eat).

It’s still considered the right thing for a man to pay for a first date. You can help alleviate the “who will pay” pressures by making your intentions clear when you invite the woman out on the date.

“How about we get together at (name of place) on Thursday evening? My treat.”

“I’d love to meet you in person. Can I buy you dinner at (name of place) so that we can get to know each other?”

You get the idea. Now if your date responds that they’d feel more comfortable going dutch, then don’t argue with that. Let it happen that way. What you don’t want to do is leave your date with the bill or leave the issue hanging until the last minute.

If the issue is left hanging then a general rule of thumb is that the person who invited the other on the date should pay for it. But you shouldn’t let this be the expectation if you are the one that was invited. Take money and be prepared. And never, under any circumstances, attach “value” to you paying. Some men have been known to have “expectations” if they pay. Don’t be one of them. By paying you have the honor of meeting the person you’ve been communicating with and nothing more. Whether it goes well or not, you should always be a gentleman about it.

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10 Responses to “Online Dating Tip for Men – Pay for the Date”
  1. Noel says:

    Personally, since I’m a guy, I always assume I’ll pay. If she offers, I insist. If she insists then I let her pay. I don’t see any harm any it. Personally, I think people make too much of an issue about who pays – if the date went well, she should have a lot more to remember it by than just who paid for it.

  2. falguni1 says:

    I hate guys who expect women to pay. Why go on a date if you cant pay a bill?

    OR in anther case if the woman wishes to pay for her food her wish should be honoured so that she feels comfortable. She may not like eating free food from a stranger or feel burdened by the favour done to her.

  3. Clare says:

    Thats a great piece of advice , as a woman I would never expect to pay on a date and think that guys that expect a woman to fork the bill should be instantly blacklisted.

  4. Krish says:

    I guess a perfect Gentleman would always pay the bill regardless of who invited for the party. This is a trivial issue but I know that many are confused on this point especially on their very first dating experience.

  5. Rhonda says:

    I have never had a guy ask me to pick up the tab for a date. I have offered many times though. If the date is not going well I would insist on paying so I wouldn’t feel bad and I would feel no obligation to go on a second date.

  6. Lori says:

    I am one of the girls who has let countless guys pay for a first date. In each case, it was the guy who asked me out on the date and therefore pays. Although, once you get to the second date, it is time to play fair and ensure that costs are split accoringly. Otherwise, the guy would be broke before the time the relationship began!

  7. Meniac says:

    I thought this has never been an issue for every date. I always assume that the man will always take care of the bill. That’s the reason dating is not a really good for those who who take dating on as a hobby. Here at Philippines, dating has replaced courting.

  8. Jasmine says:

    Good that this is being clarified because I’ve been invited out on a date with a man to find out in the middle of it that he expected me to pay. Now, why would you invite someone out and expect them to pay? You never know their financial situation. Luckily this hasn’t happened too many times otherwise, I’d question if this were a new trend–one I could do without that’s for sure.

  9. fred says:

    Online dating is different. Neither of you has ever met. It’s more like meeting someone in a bar. So you should go Dutch. Women wanted equal rights and now they have it. However, the second date the man should pay.

  10. Norm says:

    Let there be no doubt: the prevailing societal custom, and the dominant expectation among women, is that the man pays, regardless of who invited whom, regardless of ability to pay, regardless of who selected the venue–even on a blind date and even on a first online date. This custom is sexist, pure & simple, but most women I know–including a goodly number of otherwise self-aware, self-proclaimed feminists–stridently insist upon it. As a general sociological law, wherever there is opportunity for exploitation & profit, there is no shortage of those who will seize that opportunity and who will invent transparently bogus justifications for their doing so. The phenomenon of dating is no exception. A very intelligent and fair-minded female friend told me that some of her female friends (she used the plural) confessed that they will sometimes accept an online date solely for the free meal, fully intending never to go on a second date with the benighted suppliant. Both will survive the experience, but she has wronged him.

    If A and B don’t know each other and both want to get to know each other, it is all well & good if one genuinely wants to pay for the other, but neither should be expected to do so based on the accident of one’s reproductive orientation. If the dating continues and a relationship blossoms, some fair & equitable arrangement should be agreed to, taking income and expenses into account. If A wants to get to know B better but B does not particularly want to get to know A, then B should either not accept the proposed date or pay for him/herself–or else candidly negotiate with A (“I have no romantic inclinations toward you, but if you’ll pay my way I’ll go on a platonic date with you.”) All relationships should be structured fairly and equitably. Few are.

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