Talking About Your Ex on a Date
(Online Dating Newsletter – Dating Advice) Dear Dating Advice,
I recently went out on a date with a guy I met online and he spent about a fourth of the time talking about his ex. I must admit that while I liked the guy, listening to him talk about his ex on a first date was quite the turnoff. What does this say about him?
It says that he is still hung up on his ex and you should steer clear of any potential relationship with him. There are certain conversation topics that are taboo on a first date. Those include talking about religion (unless you met on a Christian dating service or have that in common), politics, sex, and ex boyfriends or ex girlfriends.
On your date the guy spent about 25% of his time talking about his ex girlfriend! That likely means that there are still some insecurities and unresolved issues that he has with that relationship. Focusing on his ex means that she is still on the forefront of his mind. He may say bad things about her to try and convince himself that the relationship was wrong, but he clearly still has hangups.
Unless you’re looking for comparisons with his ex or to see if you can remove her from his mind, then you should avoid any further dates with him. It’s important to date someone who is secure in their single status and focused on the present and future, not the past.
About Dear Dating Advice
Dear Dating Advice is a weekly column. If you have a question for Dear Dating Advice then send it to jtracy@onlinedatingnewsletter.com with “Dear Dating Advice” in the subject header.
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Anyone who talks that much about their ex either: (a) has no life of their own (b) still hung up on her (c) is just a very bad conversationalist.
I can imagine the dilemma especially if the person is pretty likeable otherwise. However, I wouldn’t even try to build a relationship with anyone that hung-up on a former lover – just works out bad in the end.
I quite agree with you. Speaking about your ex on the very first date is not a good idea. In your case, it clearly reveals that he is still hung up on his ex and it is an alarm for you to avoid any potential relationship with that guy.
I can not stand going out with someone only to hear about the ex. I never know what to say, it puts me in an awkward position. I mean, what does he want me to do, tell him it will be ok and maybe they can work it out?
I think talking about your ex on first date is a MUST because your date must know what your desires are and what you want from this new relationship. It is a must, but must be done quickly (in less the 5 minutes).
I think talking about your ex on the first date is a very bad idea. It just shows that you are still hung up on your ex emotionally and that she is still not out of your mind….and even heart!
Rather than your ex, you should concentrate on talking more about you and your dating partner and how much you look forward to building this great relation with a very positive attitude, right from the very start.
Leave the past in the past and look forward to the future!
I agree that someone talking about their ex is a sign they are not ready to move on. Be glad that it happened on the first date so you know not to waste any more time on that person. It could be months or years before they are really ready for another relationship.