Tuesday, May 23rd, 2017


    

Talking About Your Ex on a Date

6

(Online Dating Newsletter – Dating Advice) Dear Dating Advice,

I recently went out on a date with a guy I met online and he spent about a fourth of the time talking about his ex.  I must admit that while I liked the guy, listening to him talk about his ex on a first date was quite the turnoff. What does this say about him?

It says that he is still hung up on his ex and you should steer clear of any potential relationship with him. There are certain conversation topics that are taboo on a first date. Those include talking about religion (unless you met on a Christian dating service or have that in common), politics, sex, and ex boyfriends or ex girlfriends.

On your date the guy spent about 25% of his time talking about his ex girlfriend! That likely means that there are still some insecurities and unresolved issues that he has with that relationship.  Focusing on his ex means that she is still on the forefront of his mind. He may say bad things about her to try and convince himself that the relationship was wrong, but he clearly still has hangups.

Unless you’re looking for comparisons with his ex or to see if you can remove her from his mind, then you should avoid any further dates with him. It’s important to date someone who is secure in their single status and focused on the present and future, not the past.

About Dear Dating Advice
Dear Dating Advice is a weekly column. If you have a question for Dear Dating Advice then send it to jtracy@onlinedatingnewsletter.com with “Dear Dating Advice” in the subject header.

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Comments

6 Responses to “Talking About Your Ex on a Date”
  1. Noel says:

    Anyone who talks that much about their ex either: (a) has no life of their own (b) still hung up on her (c) is just a very bad conversationalist.

    I can imagine the dilemma especially if the person is pretty likeable otherwise. However, I wouldn’t even try to build a relationship with anyone that hung-up on a former lover – just works out bad in the end.

  2. Krish says:

    I quite agree with you. Speaking about your ex on the very first date is not a good idea. In your case, it clearly reveals that he is still hung up on his ex and it is an alarm for you to avoid any potential relationship with that guy.

  3. Kim says:

    I can not stand going out with someone only to hear about the ex. I never know what to say, it puts me in an awkward position. I mean, what does he want me to do, tell him it will be ok and maybe they can work it out?

  4. krm25 says:

    I think talking about your ex on first date is a MUST because your date must know what your desires are and what you want from this new relationship. It is a must, but must be done quickly (in less the 5 minutes).

  5. Right says:

    I think talking about your ex on the first date is a very bad idea. It just shows that you are still hung up on your ex emotionally and that she is still not out of your mind….and even heart!

    Rather than your ex, you should concentrate on talking more about you and your dating partner and how much you look forward to building this great relation with a very positive attitude, right from the very start.

    Leave the past in the past and look forward to the future!

  6. Rhonda says:

    I agree that someone talking about their ex is a sign they are not ready to move on. Be glad that it happened on the first date so you know not to waste any more time on that person. It could be months or years before they are really ready for another relationship.

  7. neil says:

    I love the way so many people love to judge others from afar! Talking about exes CAN be bad, I agree, but it isn’t necessarily bad. And it doesn’t necessarily mean the person isn’t over their ex.

    What bothers me more though is how some people take the whole first-date thing so SERIOUSLY. It’s not a job interview! If someone is clearly still very hurt and attached to an ex, sure, probably best not to pursue a new relationship with them. But if they talk about an ex because it’s connected with a wider story of their past, don’t be so quick to dismiss them.

    Last night I was on a date, and somehow my ex from YEARS ago came into the conversation…I can’t even remember how. We are talking about someone from about 15 years ago here! So anyway, on this date we’re having cocktails at a bar, and the guy asks me if I’d like to go and have dinner with him. Date going pretty well, I thought. I suppose I did let my guard down a bit and perhaps I did make a mistake by talking about the past…but what he did next was FAR worse than that.

    My “punishment” for daring to talk about something he didn’t want to talk about was that dinner was suddenly not happening! Why the hell didn’t the stupid man steer the conversation onto something he DID want to talk about? I’m sorry, but inviting someone to dinner and then calling it off 20 minutes later is just plain rude. A jokey comment from him like “hey, come on, first date rules, no ex-talk!!!” would have solved the situation a lot better than letting me talk about stuff that (with hindsight) was annoying him…and then making me feel like crap by calling-off dinner and going home early.

    I seriously wonder whether some people have just been brainwashed into all these first-date rules. They’ve “heard” that talking about exes is a “crime”, so they punish the offender, regardless of whether or not the actual conversation was bothering them. Almost like some kind of zero-tolerance policy on ANYTHING they ever read in a “10 things not to do on a first date” list.

    Anyway he’s clearly a selfish kinda person since he chose a bar 2 blocks from his apartment…so perhaps it was me who had a lucky escape. No wonder he’s still single at 35. Shame though…he was kinda cute-ish…

    The stupid thing though, to my mind, is that there was clearly a certain amount of chemistry there…(just take my word for it, lol)…and yet he was so ready to throw it away because I landed on a subject he didn’t like. Isn’t that a bit insane, really? Suddenly I remember, once again, why I don’t do dates very often! Gay men are a NIGHTMARE, especially in NYC. They’ve all watched too many episodes of Sex & The City and over-analyse everything. Then again, I suppose that describes me quite well also, lol.

    NEXT !

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